for �e g�ls

Thinking in
the Drawer

My husband never lets the lack of the proper tool stand in the way of getting a job done. Problem is, when Billy looks for a substitute, he always seems to head to our kitchen. To problem solve, he doesn’t just think out of the box; he thinks in the drawer. I’ve learned the hard way that if one of my kitchen tools is missing, it’s probably outside, woefully beyond dishwasher detergent or jet-spray magic.

I came home one day to find Billy rolling railroad ties out of the back of his truck with my wooden rolling pin. He grinned, said it worked great, and promised to buy me another one. I told him that since my biscuits come frozen out of a bag I buy at Wal-Mart, I would just roll on without a pin.

One night I cooked spaghetti and rummaged though a kitchen drawer, looking for my strainer spoon. I asked my daughter, Courtney, if she had seen it. “Is it a long white scoopy-looking thing with holes in it?” she asked. “Yes,” I replied slowly, already wincing. “Dad used it to skim some gunk out of the hot tub.” I peered out the kitchen window. Yep, there it was on the Jacuzzi bench with something green hanging off of it. “Well,” I said, “at least he didn’t put it back in the drawer. I’d hate to get a mouth fungus from eating spaghetti.”

I once found a large kitchen spoon sticking out of a flower bed. If I ask Billy about it, I’m guessing he’ll say that he licked a scoop of peanut butter off it before he used it to dig a small hole for a new plant. His idea of multitasking.

Not long ago I found my best cookie sheet outside, rusting beside Billy’s barbecue smoker-ma-gig. My Tupperware cake lid kept it company, upturned to use for soaking hickory chips. When I chased Billy around the yard about those two kitchen items, he said my complaint really wasn’t valid because he had, after all, used them for cooking.

The way I figure it, within a few years all of my kitchen tools will be relocated outside. Sounds like a good excuse not to cook. Hmmm, I wonder if our oven would make a good flower planter.

Dedicated to Home Improvement,