Walks and talks. Reed and I set off to the beach for a father-son weekend. I wanted the entire trip to be special, so instead of making him order from the dollar menu, I let Reed order whatever he wanted. He was hesitant at first, probably wondering who this alien was in his father’s skin. (I’m not sure he knew there is anything but a dollar menu.) But he quickly got over it and ordered the largest burger, chicken nuggets, a soft drink, and a chocolate milkshake — a manly meal, but one that would have given me serious intestinal issues for the entire trip.

I armed myself with James Dobson’s audio series “Preparing for Adolescence.” (I don’t recommend anyone discussing the birds and the bees without Dr. Dobson.) He can say things with a straight face that I could never get out. The first two tapes are just for parents, to let you know how to structure the trip and the discussions and to tell you what you’re getting into. The other tapes are for boys and girls, so during some portions, I avoided eye contact with Reed.

We took long walks that weekend. I’d ask Reed what he understood about the things discussed on the tapes. I’d have him explain them to me. And I’m glad I did. Sometimes it was clear that Reed was clueless, and it’s this sort of cluelessness that could get him in trouble in the world.

Sometimes it was clear that
Reed was clueless, and it’s this
sort of cluelessness that could
get him in trouble in the world.

laughs and lectures. Of course, these walks resulted in other things. It was tough not to spontaneously explode into gut-busting laughter at some of the things Reed would say. I pictured us in a serious clinical setting, probably much like psychologists must be with their clients. I was serious and let him know that every question is a good question. When he gave an incorrect interpretation, I let him know that I could understand how he made his conclusion; then I’d give him the correct explanation.

The second result was my new-found ability to lecture to the sea. Sometimes I simply could not look at Reed, and I realized he had the same problem because he’d be looking down at the sand. But I was determined to tell him all the things I wish I had known, so I toughed it out (wiping the perspiration from my forehead as needed).

We also had some great rec time, an important component in creating a positive experience for both of us. Of course, the beach in January is not the most happening place, but we did get in a couple of rounds of miniature golf and watched a couple of guy movies.

In the end, what hit me like a rock was that inside this big boy (and I do mean big — Reed is almost as tall and as strong as I am) is still a boy — naive, curious, and a little scared of what his future holds. The greatest gift I can give him is knowledge of the truth and security in knowing that he will not have to go it alone. His Heavenly Father and his earthly father will stand shoulder to shoulder with him. And it will be his dad, not his friends or the media, who has his back. 

© PhotoAlto

Say What? When?

how do you artfully craft the dialogue that tells
your offspring you’re about to spring “the talk”?
 set the comfort zone for an open lifetime
dialogue, not a one-time conversation. Your calm
spirit will help your child be comfortable, too.

 ask good lead-in questions: “Are your friends talking about sex? Or does everyone assume that everyone else knows what’s going on?” These questions get your child immediately involved in his own peer group.

 use a good transitional statement, regardless of your child’s initial response: “Son, this is a part of life that’s important to me and will be important to you. Let me share a few thoughts with you.”

 

visit your local life Way christian store for the audio series “preparing for adolescence” by Dr. James Dobson. it will help put the right words in your mouth.