daughter just about them and what makes them happy, or is it about your daughter? Do they understand that what makes them happy may not be healthy for her? Our hunch is that your folks really do want what is best for their granddaughter.
In their zeal to wrap your daughter in love, your parents may have forgotten the real dangers of getting too much. Their motive may be love, but the effect on your daughter may not be loving. One legitimate concern is that she will equate love with getting things. Both research and common sense tell us that the most valuable expression of love is time spent with children — not a plethora of gifts heaped upon them.
Shape her future When you talk with your parents, gently ask them what kind of woman they would like to see their granddaughter become. What kind of values and character traits would they like her to have? Ask your parents to consider giving more realistic and responsible gifts on special occasions. Encourage spending any additional money on vacations or, when your daughter gets older, on missions trips and educational opportunities that will nurture her to be the kind of adult all of you hope she’ll become.
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Your role
Much more than anything your parents
do, the way you parent your daughter
Question on a daily basis will have the greatest
I’ve asked my parents not to go overboard impact on her. Do you model that it’s
on gifts for our 5-year-old daughter. But my better to give than to receive? Does he see that giving her time, treasure,
mother says, “Giving gifts makes us happy.” and talents as both a biblical value and
How should I handle th a mom-and-dad-modeled value? Does is? she hear you express gratefulness
for what you have? Do you teach her
BY GARY AND CARRIE OLIvER the value of sharing with others? Are
you demonstrating how to keep your
heart open to those in need and seizing
opportunities to reach out to others?
Sure, your parents will have an influence on your daughter’s life. But by consistently following the parental mandate of Deuteronomy 6: 4-9, nothing and no one will have a greater impact on your daughter than what you and your spouse model for her day in and day out.
there Are mANY potential consequences to spoiling children, and you have good reason to be concerned.
At some point you’ll need to have a heart-to-heart chat with your folks, but first you and your husband need to clarify your concerns. What does overboard mean? How much is too much? Why do you view continual gift-giving
as a problem? What do you see as the long-term consequences of this well-intentioned behavior? How does your mother’s ignoring and disrespecting your concerns impact you?
Best of intentions Once you’ve clarified your concerns, consider your parents’ hearts and motives. Is their relationship with your
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